My Journey, My Life, Not My Decisions Though! Ready to Change

Have you ever found yourself in more than one position in life?

I sometimes feel like someone gave me a script and am trapped because I either keep forgetting the lines or playing someone else’s role.

Not knowing if my journey is aligned with my decisions makes me uncomfortable and challenges my decisions for the future. “Did I have a child because I wanted to?” or “Am I at my current job because I feel obligated or do I really want to be a professor one day?” I know this is my life and my journey, but who makes the decisions for this adventure that I call life?

To Dare or Not to Dare

I constantly question if some of the decisions in my life were based on what I wanted. I was accepted into university, graduated, found a job, and focused on my career

I worked because everyone told me to, but I should have taken a gap year before I accepted so many responsibilities. It took three years to understand that I was working for money, not for satisfaction. I had financial power but skipped the spiritual one.

Even so, these decisions make me who I am today. Partially though! I feel as though there is a part of me that is missing; a part of me that was left out at a time in my life when I was powerless. I thought that I didn’t have the right to dare.

Acceptance

I was taught – maybe not on purpose – to feel powerless and to accept loss. I had to be successful all the time and when I felt like I wasn’t, I never dared to act, even while choosing an outfit or when considering to be a teacher (how would I also be an author?).

The reason I was trapped in somebody else’s play was because I was afraid of losing my power. The power in which was taught to be in direct correlation with success. I thought I had power over my life, but it was success having the final power.

Sense of Direction

Once we question ourselves and acknowledge being powerless (which is not always easy to do), we can realise that we need to change gears; we can realise we need to make our own decisions; and then, we can support our transformations

From time to time, it is possible to lose our sense of direction. For me, 

I was new to taking control and having power over my life. I needed more experience in the decision-making process and adopting a journey which could lead anywhere with or without power.

Balancing and Harmonizing

Balancing life and finding harmony are a part of embracing decisions in our lives. 

It is not possible to find the one and only decision or plan, as there is no such thing. However, acknowledging that we can make our own decisions and accept this new adventure full of changes can lead us to a greater transition fueled by power for ourselves. It can also lead us to finding balance and harmony in our lives.

İdil Yazıcı

İdil Yazıcı

İdil Gülnihal Yazıcı is a lecturer in the School of Foreign Languages at Istanbul University and a PhD candidate in European Union. She is a published author focusing on regional development, education, and self-improvement.

Philia

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