Communication. Everything comes down to this peculiar form of human interaction we claim we are so damn good at (well, we do have that degree from university or we did undergo that training for junior managers, didn’t we?) The truth is, unless we evolve into telepathic creatures, communicating is still pretty much trying and guessing. As women, I’d like to believe we have it a tiny bit easier since female energy is that of sharing, listening and connecting. But being raised in a male-defined world, are we even female enough to truly connect, woman to woman, or are we still pretty much guessing and failing?
From my experience (and I consider myself lucky to have experienced that) there is no force stronger in the universe than two women on a mission, going side by side, living and breathing their dream. Pure magic for everyone involved and around.
I guess what tops that, is more than two women on that same mission – and with Philia, I believe, we are on such a right track to achieve that in our lifetime! 🙂 BUT. None of this magical multiplication of our individual powers is going to happen unless we tune out of our shEGOs and start to really be there for one another. Not as girls, AS WOMEN. Symbiotic coaching is an amazing way how Vladi and I train dissolving our egos and holding space for one another.
“Holding space means that you do not enter that space,” Philia explained to us. Often times you might feel like you know what your symbiotic coach is going through, but it is not your job to try and guess. Nor to give her advice. This is an opportunity for you to enter much deeper – female – a form of communication.
“You create that space. You widen that space. You facilitate that space that makes her feel comfortable in your presence. This space is sacred for her. If nurtured over the period of the weeks you work together, then this space is the go-to place for her to become the best that she can be. You actively foster a space for our partner to feel safe and grounded. You give her reassurance that she can be herself and that as long as she is in this sacred space, she will not be judged.”
As women, we are essentially deprived of this nurturing aspect of human interaction in today’s society. Having a girlfriend in distress, you try to help her by suggesting solutions from your own experience, don’t you? I do. Next time – LET’S JUST NOT. Although already pretty conscious about communicating and giving feedback from the work environment, week FOUR reminded Vladi and me how to simply forget our world when the other one is talking. Connect. Validate her feelings. Give her feedback. Sit with her in her situation.
Be your gal’s best supporter by being your own best supporter
As if this was not enough, there is more to week FOUR than learning to sit together as women. We were supposed to list people/situations that 1) encourage us the most, 2) put us down instantly. Then we were asked to give a detailed picture of such cheerleader and naysayer moments. I did not have to go far for both yet I never really realised which behaviours did I consider supporting and which discouraging.
*** DISCLAIMER: Big AHA moment coming! ***
- No judgement
- Supporting her decisions
- Trusting her intuition
- Empowering her to be a braver leader
- Reassuring her all is OK
- Reassuring her that she is not alone
- Having her back
- Praising her talents, her personality, her values
- Reminding her of her self-worth
See that list of “communication” skills I drew above? I was able of doing that for my symbiotic coach, but I desperately needed to cultivate such an approach to myself. How can I support others yet be a naysayer for myself? That does not make sense at all. After this exercise, I sat down with myself, because “we” had some clearing up to do. The naysayer in me had to tune in and listen, while the supporter told her story. I listened to myself fully this time. No trying and guessing. This mattered.
Only by becoming my own biggest cheerleader, I can become one for others.